Category Archives: Lovely October Posts

The real fashion police…

One of my favorite blogs…The Fashion Police recently wrote a post about a story set in Italy about the fashion police (check out the story here
The newspaper story, which I had read in Tuesdays metro (below), retells how a Mayor of a small town in Italy is passing laws to ban his towns residents from wearing articles of clothing he deems unsuitable.


the real fashion police

Quite amusingly this article seems to have had the probably undesired affect of making
me day-dream about which Fashion items I would ban if I was appointed the real fashion police.
Overwhelmingly there is just too much choice.  From my all time favorite shoe hate – the croc to the evil that is lycra cycling shorts, some fashion items should simply have never come into existence.
For prosperitys sake I have decided to list my top five for official future banning below.
If I ever do then become major of a small town in Italy I shall have a head start on the first action of my manifesto!

Wearing Uggs in the summer with a dress
Crocs on anyone over the age of 5
Lycro cycling shorts
Parachute pants
The Peasant skirt

Parachute Pants

I hate them...Parachute pants


Real peasant?


Fashion is my football…

“Can you not just wear a belt?”

That was the question asked of me by my significant other this morning.  I was, as always awkardly adjusting my skinny jeans while complaining how I will no doubt spend the entire day adjusting them.  His question was obviously met by my best dead stare which to me said everything but to him meant nothing.

“You don’t wear a belt with skinny jeans!”, I wanted to say.

He was, as always, confused by my silence and was now worried that he had said the wrong thing.

“But why wear them if they’re uncomfortable?”  he added.

I had several answers all of them relating back to F.A.S.H.I.O.N but ready as I was to jump full force into a 20 minute lecture it was then it dawned on me.

What was the point?  He would not understand!  He had as much chance of understanding as I did of ever grasping the offside rule in Football.

It dawned on me then that Fashion had become my football. I was a loyal supporter, I understood the rules and was willing to argue and rant them to whoever would listen over a glass of wine.

I could talk about Fashion and my latest obsession (whether a shearling jacket or YSL scarf) for hours in much the same way as Wayne Rooneys current form and pay rise no doubt echoed around many a public house over the weekend.  I was a devoted follower preferring some teams (labels) over others and ensured that I knew endless hours of facts and figures in the same way the results table could be recited on the spot.

Yes I was obsessed and how could I expect him to understand?

Hadn’t I berated him over the years about his obsession, while secretly habouring my own equal passion?

My answer? I smiled sweetly, hitched up my jeans (again) and replied.

“Perhaps I will buy a belt…”

After all he does understand, Fashion is just a whole other sport and I was looking forward to my next fixture.

Denier denial…

One fashion item which will always divide the sexes is TIGHTS.  Men (I have been told) hate them and collectively long for the return of stockings.  Women on the other-hand love tights (myself included!).  They keep us relatively warm in our dresses, they are infinitely slimming, they go with all our shoes, and we can own several (hundred) pairs without feeling guilty.  I own a lot of tights, from the purple and red pairs that still haven’t been worn outdoors to my beloved Wolfords that feel like silk against my legs.  Maybe it’s because of this deep unconditional love that in recent days I have become more atune to this crime.  It is a crime of fashion that is prevalent at this time of year, a crime I will simply call…DENIER DENIAL.

denier denial


Double your denier for above the knee, this was a rule I was taught long along.   A light denier and a short skirt will only ever lead to a disaster of the ‘I look like an 80s hooker’ kind.  It’s a simple rule and an easy one to follow but all around me this weekend there was a fragrant and blatant disregard!

More and more in these last days I have found myself in the company of these in DENIER DENIAL law breakers.

I always believed the tights rule to be universal – to transcend culture, continents and even time, being past down mother to daughter through the ages??  But am I wrong have these rules changed, did I not get the Memo?!

Is it just me or are they breeding..

I was quite content with myself yesterday, my second post was up and the small few that would read my blog would hopefully find it quite humourous.  I went about my business hence after safe in the knowledge that the Panda had been put to bed.  Imagine my disbelief then when I found myself face-to-face with another.  While innocently mooching around the shops over the weekend I encountered PANDA No2!

Panda No2!

Panda No2!

At first I thought that from afar it must be either my imagination or the same lady.  As the panda drew closer with every step I realised this was not the case.  Our beloved bamboo eating bear had a new owner, in fact it wasn’t the same panda at all-they were breeding!   After my disbelief had faded I headed straight home to research and yes it seems that Panda’s, Bears and in fact all manner of beloved animals are avilable as head gear.–hats/cream-knitted-panda-with-black-ears-beanie-590174

Cute and quirky as they may be surely this fashion item should be restricted to the under 9s or at the very least for on-the-slopes?

Surely such a piece of clothing cannot be worn with serious intent as surely no-one would take you seriously if you were wearing one?

To prove my point – exhibit A – the beautiful SHAKIRA – sheep on head and a mischievous don’t take me seriously grin on face.  Let me know blog world – is this a mini-trend destined to take over?

Sheep Shakira

Sheep Shakira

the urban panda…

the urban jungle

the urban jungle

Jungle lovin…

I was a stealth hunter today, undetectable, blending into the background while I stalked my prey in the urban jungle.   I don’t often act like such an idiot but she started it.  When I say she I mean the women who invaded my commute by wearing a woolly panda on her head.  Yep, a woolly panda, once I realised this fashion item was not a practical joke or hang-over induced apparition I needed to stalk it and document is momentous entry into my life.  After all Pandas are natives of the jungles of China and hardly at home on the 8:36 into London.   Should I alert some type of animal control agency as it could have escaped from the not too local Zoo?  Should I inform the local media? “Young girl attacked by escaped panda, I am happy on her head” says Panda.   It would make a wonderful human interest story for the evening news round-up.  These dilemmas and more continued to swirl around my head while I patiently stalked my prey and seized my moment.  Undetected, I sprung and took a picture for prosperity….. they are after all, an endangered species.

My very first post…exciting!

Hello Blog world!  Well, this is quite exciting!  I’ve wanted to write my own blog for some time now… and finally I have done it and I have had a thought, a light-bulb moment and hopefully my idea will bring you joy and smiles.

So today I saw a woman wearing a bum-bag (do the American’s still call it a fanny pack?) with a very big smile on her face, bless!

Ok, I am pretty sure the fashion police banned the old fanny pack (it’s an amusing word) a while back and you can do some hard time in a fashion prison for wearing such a thing.  Perhaps she was on her way to a retro party or trying out her outfit for Halloween?  I was close to asking her..but then decided to blog about it instead, what do you think online blog world?

As always..the universe did pay me back later as after going to my spin class I did not change my clothes (yes very stinky) and managed to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror –  grey track bottoms and a shearling aviator – very 80’s and definately a fashion ASBO!!!  So question of the night, that I will continue to ponder are fanny-packs out-lawed?